


Turnabout is Fair Play

by CurlicueCal, LaughingStones



Series: Shadowbound AU [16]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Blow Jobs, Demonstuck, Dom/sub, Humanstuck, M/M, Metaphysical Shenanigans, Spanking, shadows as daemons/familiars, soul bonds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:35:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26429494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlicueCal/pseuds/CurlicueCal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingStones/pseuds/LaughingStones
Summary: Dirk and Hal have a fight.Gamzee sets them straight.
Relationships: Dirk Strider & Hal Strider, Gamzee Makara & Kurloz Makara, Gamzee Makara/Dirk Strider, Gamzee Makara/Hal Strider, Kurloz Makara/Hal Strider
Series: Shadowbound AU [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/389896
Comments: 27
Kudos: 109





	Turnabout is Fair Play

Gamzee had found lying on the couch upside down while watching a show went and made it a whole sight more interesting than right-ways up. Maybe it was how the actors up and made such drama happen, all in their ignorance meanwhile that they were crosswise to gravity.

 _Or could be it’s the blood pooling all in your precious brain that makes you think so,_ Kurloz murmured fondly from his sprawl over the wall. He was in a good mood, humming all through Gamzee from soul to bone, expansive with it. Idle shadow tendrils wandered the apartment, poking through corners to reaffirm possession, twisting more carefully over Dirk’s work desk and latest project, which he’d been warned not to touch so of course he was interested.

It wasn’t the scatter of tools that made him tense and go sharp, though, brought Gamzee’s attention blinking away from the passionate upside down confession on screen. 

_He’s angry,_ Kurloz murmured, pure intrigue, and Gamzee looked to the door a few moments before the key in the lock suggested Dirk was home. Hal’s presence, usually so tight-wound staticky when Dirk first returned from out and about, hit the room like an electric storm.

“Whoa,” Gamzee said, and nearly fell off the couch when he tried to sit up without swinging his legs down from the wall. He got himself straightened out by the time Dirk shoved the door open, and then Dirk was blowing past, kicking the door shut behind him and storming down the hall like a human-shaped thundercloud, not so much as a glance of acknowledgement for Gamzee. Seemed like he didn’t even realize Gamzee was there, actually, and Dirk normally had more awareness to him than that. Hal was a pitch dark silhouette dogging Dirk’s heels, mid-recitation of some style of list, words bland but the feel of him vicious sharp.

Open-mouthed, Gamzee stared after them. “Shit, bro,” he muttered, and got himself up off the couch to edge cautiously down the hall. 

_Don’t you dare, you control freak *coward*,_ Hal snarled, and Gamzee pulled up short. 

From behind Dirk’s bedroom door he heard the sound of window shades being pulled, Dirk banging angrily through drawers.

_I’ll make your life miserable._

Dirk’s answering snarl was faint, but audible. “You already do.”

The last of the light vanished from under his door. The electric buzz of Hal’s anger did as well. 

The silence that followed seemed to echo.

Gamzee swallowed, staring. He knew they didn’t always get on, but that was a motherfucking world different from Dirk turning off the lights on his shadow-bro to win some argument. Made Gamzee’s stomach go all twisty and cold just to think on it.

The hallway was a little dimmer without the light from Dirk’s doorway, but not too bad, and Gamzee swallowed down unease to make himself approach. Could still up and hear Kurloz fine, a low rumble of intrigue at the back of his head, so it was fine, everything was okay.

He rubbed a hand over his mouth, working himself up to it, and finally tapped lightly on the door. “Bro? Uh, hey.”

He heard maybe a rustle of movement. Maybe nothing. It was a familiar sort of strange, not being able to read mood or response off of Hal, but a distressingly unfamiliar and stranger thing to not even feel the buzzy static of him all tucked away. Kurloz twisted in loops up Gamzee’s arms, restless behind his reassuring hum.

“Gamzee,” Dirk said, beyond the door, and entirely beyond reach of Gamzee’s senses. No light, no shadow. Gamzee shivered, just a bit, fought the urge to retreat back into the sunlit living room.

“I… didn’t know you were home.” Dirk’s voice sounded soft, flat. Or could be that was just Gamzee’s unfamiliarity with picking emotions out without the harmony of them from the shadow. “Sorry.”

“It’s all good,” Gamzee said, shrugging at the door and trying not to think too much on how it didn’t seem to be getting its open on. Dirk didn’t have to rush to make welcome of him just because he knocked. 

“So, uh. What’s the haps with you, bro? Why you got your rage and darkness on?”

There was another drawn out silence, empty and utterly unreadable. Gamzee fidgeted and Kurloz shifted around him, coiled over his legs in hazy half-lit bands. Wordless assurance, a humming presence to fill the hollow spaces in his head, and this was fine. Gamzee was fine.

“Nothing. Just tired,” was Dirk’s eventual answer. 

It was so obviously not true, even from Gamzee’s half-deaf vantage point, that he barked a laugh before he could think better of it. “Shit, yeah, bro, I always like to close myself up in my room in the motherfucking dark when I’m fully fine and just a little tired! I quit, like, fucking noticing who’s all in the house when I’m tired, yeah.” He shook his head, staring at the blank white expanse of wood in his face like he could maybe get to seeing through it if he looked hard enough. “You and your bro are all up in a world of fury and snarls at each other, plain enough, but why? What got its happen on to set the pair of you like this?”

A muffled noise like a groan or a humorless laugh. “Nothing. Everything. We fucking bonded each other.”

Gamzee flinched. Kurloz flicked tendrils out like he could invade that line of darkness under the door, an irritated protective note to him now. Taking a deep breath, Gamzee focused on how nice and clear Kurloz was, only a little quieter than normal, still plenty of light right here, it was okay--except it fucking _wasn’t_ , not with Dirk and Hal all a harsh sparking tangle of misery and fury like he’d sensed before they went dark.

He took another couple breaths, thinking it over, and ventured, “Doesn’t seem such a trial on the both of you, most days. I mean, shit, I’ve been here best part of a year and never seen you this bad off before.”

“Well that’s fixed then,” Dirk said in a murmur low enough Gamzee almost couldn’t hear it. He ducked his head at the sharpness of it, but Dirk was breaking back into the silence before he could get too far into his upset. “Sorry.” It was almost worse to hear Dirk’s voice without the anger, hear the way it went subdued and flat as he pulled all his feelings back out of it, put them away somewhere. “Look. I’m not very good company right now, and I’m kind of hanging in the dark and I know that’s not your thing.” Littlest, tiniest note of something there, but Gamzee couldn’t read it. Not that Dirk seemed to want to be read, but. “You should… you should go find something nicer to do. I’ll be over it tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah?” Gamzee said, eyebrows lifting up high. “You and he’ll be all good temper and friendliness, all sins forgiven? By tomorrow?” His voice might get at being too dubious for courtesy, but fuck if he could hold it back. He leaned against the door, fingers flirting with the knob. He wanted to open it, have Dirk’s face to put a flavor to that silence, touch his skin to hear his soul singing. Pull him close and let Kurloz wrap them both up in a dark that wasn’t lightless.

But. He hadn’t been invited, maybe wasn’t welcome. Maybe already was grabbing too much.

“He’ll get over it,” Dirk said finally. “We won’t get in your hair.”

“You’re about as out of my hair as you can fucking get,” Gamzee pointed out. “That’s nowhere close to being my issue. Or, I mean, I guess as it _is_ the issue, you’re too far outta my hair. You make a nice little barrette, see, got all sparkly little hearts on it and cute dangles and shit.” He fidgeted, frowning at the door.

Probably it wasn’t right to demand things of Dirk, press him on this when he was already tired and all worn and miserable. Could be a good way to make him mad at Gamzee as well as Hal. But Gamzee couldn’t stand to go back to the living room and try to fix his attention to whatever commercial was playing now when all this motherfucking anguish was sitting behind Dirk’s door, untended in the dark.

“Can, uh, can I stick a hand in?” he asked, a little desperately. “Through the door, and you come take it? I can’t feel you, it’s hella weird.”

Another length of silence, painful in its unreadability and all the uncertain thoughts it put in Gamzee’s head, followed after, like as if to prove the point.

“Really, bro, I’m fine. You don’t wanna be feeling this. And you don’t gotta like… sit in the hallway and baby me because I’m too busy sulking with the lights off to be a functional person.”

Gamzee chewed that over. He really fucking didn’t want to make Dirk mad, but… not as much as he didn’t want this nasty rift torn between Dirk and his shadow. Gamzee was near sick with how much he didn’t want that to be a thing anymore.

“If you don’t want that I should baby you,” he said slowly, “then it might be I’ll up and get harsh with you instead, my brother. Best take care what you ask for.”

That produced a much shorter pause, followed by footsteps. The door opened and Dirk stood in the space, still tucked back in the unnerving dark of his room, but squinting at Gamzee with a frown that was sheer bewilderment. “What. Are you talking about.”

Gamzee crossed his arms and did his best to look stern despite the nervous twisting in his belly. “Well, I was _gonna_ up and pamper my favorite pony, but now he’s all kicked his paddock fence over just cuz he got bit by a big fly, so it seems like he needs somebody to teach him better, like with a riding crop or something.”

Dirk’s brows went up til they were reaching at his hairline, eyes gone wide with surprise and staring at Gamzee long enough that he started to second, third, and fourth guess his approach here. It had fetched Dirk out, sure enough, but that didn’t mean Gamzee hadn’t made a mistake.

“You’re trying… to… dom me into a better mood?” Dirk spoke like he was feeling his way through an unexpected obstacle course and each part was a surprise to him. His expression was still blank startlement on Gamzee. No kind of anger there, though. Not even really that tired upset from before. That was something.

“Could be,” Gamzee admitted. “Can’t say as it’ll get to fixing the problem, but I figure you’ll have your liking on for it a lot more than my other idea.”

Dirk was still studying him, eyes a little wide. “...What was your other idea?” he asked faintly.

“Make you lemme talk to Hal,” Gamzee said, lifting his eyebrows pointedly, _told you you wouldn’t like it._

“Mn,” Dirk said noncommittally, like he hadn’t just twitched, shoulders gone all tight again. He hadn’t entirely lost that air of curious surprise though. “And your current plan is to…?”

“Fuck you up until you relax,” Gamzee said. Kurloz had shifted mostly off him by now, just a coil or two over his chest, and was lurking on the ceiling, but the interested way he thrummed at that had Dirk glancing up.

 _Take you to pieces like I would your staticky little brother,_ Kurloz mused, though he knew Dirk couldn’t hear it. _Split you all to shivering components, let the chaos and sorrow drain away and knit you back whole again. We could do it._

Dirk licked his lips, eyes gone dark, and Gamzee thought he could probably feel it at least, the way most people did when Kurloz got to singing fear through a room, warping the energy around him to his liking. Dirk’s eyes flickered between Kurloz and Gamzee like they couldn’t decide where to settle. “Oh,” he said, and it was a little, quiet, interested noise. He swayed in the doorway towards Gamzee, blinked, and pulled back.

“I’m, I. I don’t think I can do lights right now. I mean. Hal. I’m. I just…”

“Mm-hm,” Gamzee said, eyeing him thoughtfully. “I think you’ll manage, my brother. You’ll be well and truly distracted, for sure. Turn on the light,” he added, quiet and very firm.

Dirk’s breath hitched. His brows drew together, something like consternation, a silent inner struggle. “This is…” he started, eyes coming back to Gamzee, hand reaching for the light switch like he didn’t even know he was doing it. “Not how you’re supposed to do kink, I don’t think.”

Gamzee arched his brows. “And since when have I given a fuck about ‘supposed to’, bro? I’m waiting,” he added, glancing at that hesitating hand.

There was something amazed and amazing about the way Dirk looked at him. Addictive, like a drug. “...Yes sir,” Dirk said, and it might have been intended as a joke, but it came out like a prayer.

The lights flicked on, bright and vivid in Dirk’s room. Hal’s form snapped into the same vivid contrast behind Dirk, that angry snarl of electricity slotting back into Gamzee’s mind.

Kurloz swarmed down the wall, through the door, and spread himself across Hal like twining prison bars, choking off whatever Hal was about to say in a startled shock of static. 

Dirk gasped too, and Gamzee couldn’t help but reach out to touch him finally, feel that soul chime through him, pull him in close so he could feel him in every way, warm and tense against him, but already melting soft inside.

 _Little barbed one_ , Kurloz said, cool and steely, _you have forfeited your right to a single voice. Until you and your brother cease your motherfucking troubling of each other and reach harmony again, I’ll handle you and all your staticky little thorns._

 _Bossy,_ Hal returned, and it was part snarl and part purr. He twisted in Kurloz’s hold like a flame, hooked his fingers and stroked and tangled deeper. _You sure you can handle us?_

Kurloz rippled all over in reaction, but the tangle of his dark vines didn’t give way. _I surely am_ , he growled, and Gamzee twitched a little when he struck, cutting one strand of Hal’s self separate but for the binding tendril at the base, and then another strand and a third, pulling him apart before he could react. It was ruthlessly gentle, frighteningly efficient, the way he found the seams of Hal’s soul and slipped himself into them, claws teasing to strip him bare one splinter at a time.

“Holy fuck,” Dirk murmured, a breathless little noise. The sharp, discordant notes had vanished from the feel of him, flooded out by pure surprise and overstimulation. Kurloz plucked another strand of Hal loose, unfurling him like a thread from a tangle, and Dirk hid his face in Gamzee’s neck, clinging with limbs gone unsteady loose.

Gamzee wrapped arms around him and stroked his back, all hot and breathless himself to have Dirk shivering against him. He kept patting, kept Dirk grounded and steady as Kurloz split Hal into a fan of dazed shadow pieces across the floor, songs gone their own kind of shivery as they surrendered into the other shadow’s hold.

“There, bro,” Gamzee murmured when it was done. “How’s that sit at you?” Didn’t need to ask, not really, not when he could feel that stunned kind of quiet echoing back from the both of them, the multitude of them. Probably polite to make words at it though.

“Nn,” Dirk said, and kept right where he was, breathing careful. Gamzee stroked fingers up Dirk’s back, following the bumps of his spine and mapping the way they joined the curve of his skull while Dirk collected himself. It was interesting but kind of sorry, feeling him pull the order of himself back under hand, tension creeping back along in with all his cleverness.

“Well,” Dirk said, eventually. He went to straighten, and Gamzee’s hands held him a moment in place before he caught up and made them let loose. “That sure happened.” 

_Yep,_ came Hal’s dizzy chorus, a dozen plus voices just slightly out of sync with each other. Kurloz flexed around the bound strands, smug and pleased.

“You don’t waste any time, huh?” 

“Why’d I wanna be to moving slow when my pretty pony’s got himself all in a lather?” Gamzee said. “Better to sort that shit out fast. So.” He grabbed the back of Dirk’s neck and squeezed. “You ready to be good and let me fucking sort you out?”

Dirk’s eyes fixed on him, pupils blown wide. He licked his lips. “...What if I’m not good?” he asked, and there was something there, some sharper little note of interest with something aching hurt underneath it. Hal shifted and flexed, restless in Kurloz’s hold.

Gamzee didn’t like that pained ache in any fucking way, but he couldn’t run this game double-guessing the whole time, had to make a guess and run on it. If he messed up too bad he’d figure how to fix it then.

“Well, my brother, I’ll have to get real stern with you,” he said, lifting his eyebrows. “Make sure you get fully into your clarity on obedience and shit. Can’t have ponies running around all unbridled and kicking holes in the motherfucking walls, you gotta harness ‘em, rein ‘em in tight.”

“Oh,” Dirk said, and it was such a neutral little sound compared to the hot flare of him against Gamzee’s mind, laced all through his soul. He took a step back, then another, moving away from Gamzee, but his eyes were on him, watching, and the open doorway, the progress towards the bed was an invitation Gamzee could spot.

Stepping into the room, he pushed the door shut behind him and leaned on it, eyes wandering up and down Dirk all slow and lazy. “Strip, bro.”

Dirk pulled off his shirt obedient enough, then paused with his hands at the fly of his jeans. He glanced up at Gamzee through his lashes and there was another little tug of something, curious and hungry and testing, still with that underlayer of ache. Dirk’s hands fell away, coming to plant in the sheets to either side of him as he sat back on the edge of the bed. His shoulders rolled back, a tease with a hint of defiance.

Gamzee shook his head, all reproving and regretful. “All right, bro,” he said, stepping forward, “let’s up and get you clear on some shit.” He grabbed Dirk by the arm and hauled him back up to his feet, then started unfastening his jeans. “First, when I give you a fucking order, you’re gonna obey it,” he said, and shoved Dirk’s jeans and briefs down his thighs to bunch around his knees. _Damn_ , but he was nice to look at like that, all startled and intrigued and a little disheveled.

“So like when I up and say, ‘Bend over and put your hands on the bed,’ what are you gonna be at doing?” Gamzee prompted.

“Tell you to make me?”

Gamzee couldn’t help the snort of laughter, which seemed like something he shouldn’t ought to be doing right now, but shit, how was he supposed to not? “No, that’s all manner of being the wrong answer,” he said firmly, the grin still twitching at his lips. “You ain’t the one giving orders, remember?” He sighed at Dirk, shaking his head, and then grabbed him by the shoulder, turning him around with a quick shove, took him by the hip and bent him over the bed.

Dirk squirmed, trying to push back up with his hands under him, but Gamzee pressed a knee up between his legs, shoved him down by the shoulder again, and Dirk swallowed a short, high noise and went soft and yielding on the mattress all at once, like his strings had been cut.

“I can cuff you if I have to,” Gamzee threatened, just to keep him in his place. He knew where Dirk’s cuffs were, he was pretty sure. Wouldn’t take long to find them either way.

Dirk’s breath came in short, sharp little gusts. He rolled his cheek against the bed, worked his fingers in the sheets, and damn but he had come apart fast for Gamzee. There was a hint of a flush starting to warm his shoulders. It made Gamzee want to press a kiss there, so he did.

“I--!” Dirk said like the word had been knocked out of him, then rallied a bit. “I, I. If you want you can.”

There was a curl of intention from Hal, some half-formed comment from one of his splinters, something with edges, but it fractaled and fell apart when Kurloz stroked around him. Dirk had gone tense again, under Gamzee, distracted and uncertain.

“I’m gonna up and let that be, for now,” Gamzee decided. “You misbehave again and I’ll cuff you, but for now I’ve gotta be to getting your attention all square and solid on me.” He put a knee on the bed to one side of Dirk, turning sideways to him, kept a hand firm on his back and brought the other down in a firm swat on his ass. “You don’t listen to Mr. Barbs and Static right now, you got your comprehension on? You listen to _me_.”

He could see Dirk lick his lips, the flutter of lashes like the flutter of nerves and interest under his palm. Dirk shifted where Gamzee had him pinned front down against the sheets, and damn if that didn’t make his back end do interesting things, all tempting up in the air like that.

“Are you gonna…?” 

“Hmm?” Gamzee said, and smacked him again, harder. There was an uncertain little twist in his stomach over this, hurting Dirk all purposeful like it was Gamzee’s right, but Dirk huffed a startled noise and the resonance flared sharp-bright-sparking before settling back into something warm and hazy. Flushed like Dirk’s ass cheek, like the color creeping down his neck and shoulders, but curlingly, reluctantly hungry. Still might have left Gamzee unsure but for how thoroughly all that stress and tension had fled. Had that whole busy mind pointed right at him now, intoxicating.

“Am I gonna what?” Gamzee asked, and hit him twice more, quick and sharp, and then groped the flushed spots, squeezing and kneading gently.

Dirk made a noise like motherfucking revelation. His fingers curled in the sheets, his muscles twitched like they couldn’t decide whether they wanted to bring him forward or back. 

“Am I gonna make good and sure you’re up in your understanding here?” Gamzee said, with one last squeeze before the next smack. “I surely motherfucking am.” He took a silent breath and stopped lazing around at it, set to with a will turning that pretty ass red with a steady rhythm of blows. Every now and then he’d stop, stroke the reddened skin and knead at it a bit, spread those cheeks to admire the picture they made, the way Dirk twitched and shivered under his attention.

Pretty as the way his chords went sweet and trembling and humming, shedding all their off-key notes until they sang for him not so very different than the harmonies Kurloz was plucking from Hal, all spread out and dark on the wall. Pretty as the way Dirk made breathy, uncertain sounds into the sheets and still held himself presented for Gamzee, back arched like an offering.

Pretty like pausing, uncertain, when doubt started nipping at him again, habitual and hard to shake, and remembering he could just _ask_. 

And Dirk gasped and shivered and found fragments of words, “please” and “I like it” and turned even prettier colors, flushed and burning warm and all putty in Gamzee’s hands.

When Gamzee’s palm stung all sore, he stopped and stroked down Dirk’s spine. Had to lick his lips at the hungry heat that chased down his own skin as he watched his fingers draw up goosebumps, raise the fine hair at the back of Dirk’s neck. He shifted, adjusting the tightness in his pants. “How’s my pretty pony now? You got some calm back at you?”

Dirk sighed soft and uneven, gone boneless on the sheets, and turned his face towards Gamzee like a flower seeking the sun. Gamzee smiled at him, helplessly fond, and stroked a thumb along Dirk’s cheekbone.

“Yeah?” he murmured. “Well, good. C’mere, bro.” He shifted over onto the bed in full and tugged at Dirk’s shoulders, encouraging him over into Gamzee’s lap, all curled up with his jeans still tangled up around his feet. Dirk was half hard and still arousal-flushed, but he didn’t seem to want to do anything about it, letting himself be handled and only snuggling in further, movements slow and peaceful. 

Gamzee couldn’t say he himself was quite as in his peace and relaxation. Seemed like Dirk’s arousal was tempered by that daze that had slipped on over him, but Gamzee had felt the way Dirk melted all warm and hazy under his hands and harsh touch, _trusting_ him for it, and the way that struck through the resonance, the chiming heat and intensity and addiction of it had Gamzee ready to rub off against Dirk just like this.

Couldn’t get at doing that yet, though. He kissed Dirk’s forehead all gentle and warm, stroked his back. “You did good,” he murmured in Dirk’s ear. “So sweet, just handing yourself over to me, precious brother that you are.” 

Dirk nuzzled into Gamzee’s neck, pressed soft, open-mouthed kisses there and down along his shoulder, all cute and eager to please. Gamzee caught his breath and shuddered, trying to remember what he was all at planning with this. Wondering if it’d be all manner of uncouth to ask for a hand, here.

 _They do make pretty toys,_ Kurloz purred as he rippled and flexed the hold he had braided through Hal. _All pleasing in their obedience._

The strands of Hal rippled right back, their own nuzzling, nipping affection that Gamzee could feel like a touch on his soul. Dirk’s fingers stroked feather light over Gamzee’s skin, down his arm, caught his hand and raised it to his mouth to scatter delicate kisses over, worshipful.

Gamzee’s heart did a clenchy throbbing thing at that, warmth filling up his chest so he couldn’t help but smile. “Motherfuck, bro,” he murmured. “Look at you back solid in your amiability, all bright lit in your ease. Purest pleasure just to see you all chill like this.”

“You liked that,” Dirk said, and he was still so warm and close and open and wound all through Gamzee that he could catch the echoes of it, the undertones of what he wasn’t quite at asking. ( _You like me_.)

“I did,” Gamzee admitted, “cuz I could feel you liking it. Wouldn’t have my ease on with it if I couldn’t know for fucking _sure_ as it was good by you, but--yeah. Shit, yeah.” He paused, cleared his throat. “Fact, I liked it a motherfuck of a lot,” he said, and shifted his hips just to clarify.

Dirk blinked those honey-gold eyes, pupils dark and wide, and turned his attention down towards Gamzee’s dick, which Gamzee had on his full approval for. Dirk’s hand dragged down Gamzee’s chest, too, exploratory, and Gamzee hitched his hips and flexed fingers into Dirk’s shoulders as warm pressure cupped the length of him through his jeans.

“Yeah?” Dirk asked, all hopeful and hungry.

“Oh _motherfuck_ yes,” Gamzee said fervently, and spared a hand to wrestle his fly open. Dirk’s touch was even better on skin, the heat of him so close, like his mind through the resonance, soul-bare and radiant and singing every single note towards Gamzee. Powerful kind of thing, uneasy-making and fascinating and _intense_ , and with all Dirk’s attention on him, with all that vulnerability offered up, he couldn’t look away, wanted to sink into it, wrap it round, take _more_ even.

Might have made him shy back, but there was Dirk, looking like he wanted to be taken.

The slightest nudge and Dirk was moving to his whim, heat striking like a living thing, curling through the resonance, and Gamzee’s hand was in Dirk’s hair and Dirk was dropping down, nuzzling in close to his dick, eyes turned up to watch him, face flushed. “Yeah?” Dirk asked again.

“Take it for me, bro,” Gamzee murmured, heart beating faster. “Please me, show me all your clever skill set to the task.” Uncertainty still crept in, but low and quiet and he was firm in ignoring that shit, because he _knew_ Dirk liked this, wanted it, loved him giving orders like this.

Dirk’s mouth closed around him like velvet; hot, wet heat on the tip of his cock, and then more as he worked his tongue, as he swallowed and bobbed shallowly and took Gamzee deeper. His lashes fluttered, gaze going hazier, and when he made a little noise it tugged like a hook in Gamzee’s guts.

“Fuck yeah,” Gamzee breathed, and tugged at Dirk’s hair just rough enough to make him catch his breath and moan. “Like that.”

Dirk all but wriggled on the bed, so eager to be touched, to be used. Naked, his ass all flushed up, marked by Gamzee’s hands. Tangled in his own jeans like he couldn’t bother to be freed of them without further direction, couldn’t think about anything but Gamzee and the dick in his mouth. It only made sense to shift around a bit, cup his head in both hands and start thrusting, just gentle. Kneeling up but moving slow and shallow, making sure he could take it. 

And he did take it, open and pliant and making cut off, eager little noises that muffled themselves on Gamzee’s dick. He shone through the resonance, a purring, soft-edged satisfaction that lit up every time Gamzee made the slightest move to take more, to pull him by his hair or angle his head or thumb over his cheek to feel the tongue working inside. All that tangled distress from earlier long gone, all the dissonances with his brother wiped away, like that was a thing Gamzee had the power to do. Hal sang for Kurloz, wrapped through and held in open pieces by his darkness, and Dirk sang just the same, soul opened and utterly caught up in Gamzee.

It was a high better than any Gamzee had reached by other means, fit to make him give up miracle leaf for good if he could just get to having a hit of this whenever he liked. He was so focused on Dirk’s delight and determination to please and that hazy pleasure all through him that orgasm went and took Gamzee by surprise, and he near to fell over on Dirk. Caught himself, though, and settled back on his heels panting as Dirk followed him down, coaxing him through the aftershocks.

“Holy _fuck_ , bro,” Gamzee said finally, panting, and pulled Dirk up to kiss him firm and fervent. Dirk melted into him like he’d had his own orgasm, all soft and worshipful and sated like just getting Gamzee off had been enough to leave him dozy and pleased. 

Gamzee couldn’t help kissing him again, at that, then reached down to tug the forgotten pants off Dirk’s ankles and drop them on the floor, baring all that lovely length of leg. “Fuck me if you’re not a gorgeous sight, sweet as sugar and all lit up shining,” Gamzee murmured, stroking a thumb down Dirk’s cheek and gazing rapt at the hazy look in those bright eyes.

Dirk hummed, wordless, and ducked his head to nuzzle into Gamzee’s hand, mouth at his fingers like he’d be completely happy to work those over next. Gamzee laughed, a little thrilled, and pulled him in closer, tucked him right up to kiss and cuddle and make nice over.

Dirk sighed, bonelessly relaxed under Gamzee’s fingers. “That was fuckin’ perfect,” he murmured, and Gamzee laughed again, delighted pride sweeping through his own self.

“Well, good,” he said. “If I thought as it was a motherfucking good time, and you did too, I guess we ought to make sure this gets its happen on again sometime.”

Dirk made an agreeing sort of sound, which was, amusingly, echoed by Hal, who Gamzee hadn’t even touched, and Gamzee settled to just petting Dirk a bit. Both Striders were chiming so nice, all unfurled and relaxed, and peaceful to be held. Unfortunately, there was still the matter of what had set them all waltzing down this path in the first place. Gamzee let be as long as he figured he could, then ran a hand down Dirk’s back and up again, slow and soothing, and reluctantly spoke up.

“So, you wanna tell me what all you and your bro were all ripping at each other over? Or maybe just, who started it?”

That got Dirk at tensing right back up, just like Gamzee had feared, the soft, floaty pieces of him trying to recollect. He made to sit back and Gamzee clung, didn’t want to let Dirk escape all the way back under his shields, wanted to at least be able to _feel_ \-- but maybe he shouldn’t, maybe he wasn’t allowed--

Kurloz twisted around Hal, and Dirk huffed and went pliant again, all stunned still and yielding in Gamzee’s arms. Gamzee squeezed him a little in relief.

“Ah,” Dirk said, which wasn’t exactly an answer.

Gamzee waited for more, then snorted quietly when more didn’t get to coming. “Talk at me, brother,” he said sternly, slid a hand down Dirk’s back and grabbed a handful of his ass to grope, kneading fingers right where the flesh was still all flushed-warm-tender. Smacked it once, brisk. Just a little reminder.

“Shit,” Dirk breathed, still sounding kind of stunned. “Right, okay.” His chords were all hazy warm hungry under it, though, so Gamzee figured he was getting the hang of how to handle upset Dirk now. “We were… arguing.” 

He said it like a question, and it didn’t really provide any clarity to speak of, but he was making a start at it and he hadn’t gone all prickly-tense again yet, so Gamzee made an encouraging noise and kneaded his ass.

Dirk tucked his face in against Gamzee’s neck, which was real cute. “This is fuckin’ crazy,” he muttered, which was less in line with how things were supposed to be going, but still pretty cute since he sounded all flustered-interested about it. “Um. It was just. Stupid bickering. It was dumb. Shouldn’t have gotten into it.”

Gamzee squeezed him comfortingly. “That might be up and so, brother, or it might not be,” he said. “I’m not getting my judge on. But the pair of you get your snap and bicker on all the motherfucking time without it gets to this state. Never saw you turn the lights out on your bro for real, and I never heard him so vicious before.”

“Surprise,” Dirk said. “We’re actually incredibly dysfunctional.” And then, smaller, like he couldn’t help it. “Sorry.”

“Shhh,” Gamzee said gently, stroking his back. “Not so as it’s a regular thing, you’re not, the both of you. I would’ve up and witnessed it before, otherwise. Just a bad day?”

Dirk laughed, a little unamused noise that scraped like nails in the resonance. “Sure. Bad day, bad fight, bad brain. Haven’t done it in a while I guess, but doesn’t mean it’s not regular. More like fuckin’ inevitable.”

Hal’s chords twisted, sharpened, that little chorus of splinters on the wall breaking dissonant. Might have been going to say something, and Dirk certainly tensed like he thought so, but then Kurloz swept round, a blanket of dark both physical and metaphysical, covering over that portion of the room and the energy in it. Gamzee got the impression of voices, tucked away under, his brother’s murmuring low at the back of his brain where he could seek out the words if he turned attention to it. 

Huh. Well that seemed like a new kind of thing, but handled nonetheless. Dirk was still, an uncertain, startled thing in his arms, and Gamzee patted him reassuringly.

“Hmm,” Gamzee said, tapping his fingers across the middle of Dirk’s spine. “I happen to have a good and thorough appreciation for your brain, my brother.” He considered all the matter he didn’t like in what Dirk was saying, which was most of it, and honed in on one bit. “If you haven’t been to doing it in a while, maybe it’s up and lost its inevitability. Why wouldn’t it?”

Dirk lifted his head and frowned into Gamzee’s face, not like he was frowning at Gamzee, but more like he was trying to unpick a puzzle there. His thoughts, where Gamzee could feel them, moved in slow, murky twists, tangling back on themselves. “I think I’ve lived with me long enough to know that I’m the problem. All my life in fact.” He lightened his tone like it was a joke, like he was inviting Gamzee in on it, trying to lighten the mood. 

Gamzee spent a minute thinking it _was_ a joke, he was just all at missing what Dirk really meant to say. Then he realized, and his hands went and got all rough on Dirk on their own as his brows snapped down.

“How the motherfuck do you figure that?” he demanded, and shot a look at Hal, spread out and covered over on the wall by Kurloz. “Seems to me it’s more like to be your static-bro that’s the problem, all needling at you when you’re having a low day to start with.”

He wasn’t expecting that to earn him _two_ flinches--well, a flinch from Dirk and a whole ripple of flinches from Hal’s splinters, who rose up past Kurloz and twisted in his hold like they’d just decided they didn’t care that he had them where he could tear right at the core if he chose.

He wouldn’t, of course, but that didn’t mean he would just up and let go of what he had hold of. Certainly not when Hal was snapping sharp at him and moving like a wounded thing.

“Yeah, we’re pretty hard to tolerate sometimes,” Dirk said, and in contrast to Hal he was all still and quiet and no struggle at all.

“Hard for _you_ to tolerate,” Gamzee said, maybe more pointedly than he ought. “ _I_ don’t recall ever having much trouble.” 

“How ‘bout right now?”

There was something true there, and Dirk sounded like he knew it, but. Gamzee palmed himself a contemplative handful of ass. He grinned when Dirk sat up straight, flashed him wide eyes. “‘S not me you’re nipping at. You’re being sweet as candy for me. Ain’t that so?”

Dirk flushed. Gamzee kissed his cheek.

Hal’s snap-snarling on the wall had turned to an uncertain shiver, caught all through in Kurloz’s unrelenting hold, the dark, wordless cloud of Gamzee’s brother’s satisfaction a blanket over all of them.

“The two of you just get to clawing at each other and can’t be at calling quits first, seems like.”

Dirk made a noise as Gamzee nuzzled his temple, stroked up his back again. “‘S that a surprise?”

Gamzee sighed. “That you’ll get your barbs sunk this deep, hurt each other, hurt yourselves? Yeah, bro, kinda is. I thought you were all at having a better fondness for each other than to set yourselves in this kind of suffering over nothing.”

“Don’t you ever just… get tired of dealing with us? _I_ can’t even stand us sometimes.”

Hal rippled, a surge of unnameable emotion, and Dirk ducked his head.

“No?” Gamzee said in plain bewilderment. “Fuck no! Dirk. Have you had your attention on to any fucking thing I’ve said at you ever?” He bent his neck and nipped Dirk’s ear a little sharp, because he might be frustrated up to his eyebrows just now, but this wasn’t any kind of misbehavior Dirk had his intention on for, so smacking him wouldn’t be fair. “You’re a wonder and a motherfucking blessing on me, why the fuck would I _tire_ of that? You’ve been at cleaning the kitchen after yourself and not stealing my pans, you’re no sort of trouble to deal with!” He took a breath, tried to ease up on being all annoyed. “I just got a powerful wish on me as you’d get to trying a little more kindness at yourself.”

Dirk’s eyebrows had that little ticky mark between them, like when he got to wrestling with a frustrating problem at his workbench and wound up staring down the wall for ten minutes, but he nodded. “I know.” The set of his shoulders was tense. “I should, I just…”

A dozen flickers of emotion rippled out from Hal’s splinters again, a run of overlapping notes, dissonant before they hid themselves. Dirk flinched against Gamzee, and then shot an irritated look towards Hal and Kurloz.

“Shhh,” Gamzee said, and bent to kiss Dirk’s neck, nip all gentle under his ear. “All’s well, he can’t needle you when he’s at being bound up in my bro.” He sighed, nuzzling at the corner of Dirk’s jaw all contemplative. “You’ve got less patience to you for yourself than anybody else does for you, brother. Less gentleness and ease, too. You’re no kind of trouble to handle except at yourself.”

Kurloz stirred, a swelling of intention, and Gamzee glanced his brother’s way, keeping Dirk tucked right where he was when he made to look too. 

_Could be as that that isn’t needling ought to get said,_ Kurloz murmured, thoughtful. The fan-tail spread of Hal flared and shifted, then fell back as Kurloz stroked tendrils through it. He kept them twining there, darkness teasing and probing in a way that lit uneasy firefly flickers all through Hal. _You’ve got fear singing down in the depths of you, little starfield._

 _I do not,_ Hal snapped back, a harmony of voices, and Kurloz just hummed and stroked through him again, contemplative and exploratory.

 _You surely do. You may be prickles and claws all sharp at the surface, but I hear the truth calling all soft at me underneath._ Kurloz feathered a touch through Hal, gentle in contrast to harsh words, and both Hal and Dirk shivered in unison. Gamzee petted Dirk’s hair.

 _There’s a seed down at the core of you,_ Kurloz said, _a pernicious motherfucking weed rooted into your tenderest bits, and it’s fear that’s got you tearing at what ought to be precious to you. Pull it out, little starfield. Wrench it free to the very root-tips, lest it eat you away, crack and sunder your foundations. It’s no true, vital piece of you, so give it to me and let me see._

Hal’s unravelled strands were tense and dark on the wall, a match for the stiff angles that Dirk made in Gamzee’s arms.

_If you don’t trust your soul’s brother with it, why did you answer when he called?_

Hal’s splinters tightened, pulling like they would knot back together, or shatter the rest of the way apart. Words shattered out instead. _He didn’t call *us.* He doesn’t *want* us._

Gamzee’s eyebrows lifted all on their own, and he squeezed Dirk a little, comfort and encouragement. Kept his mouth shut, though, waiting patient on Dirk.

“I called you,” Dirk said, low. Answering the easiest part.

 _And regretted it every day. Got more than you asked for, didn’t you?_ The Hal voices kept pulling together and then breaking out like a storm, a tumult of overlapping shades of meaning. 

Dirk drew in a breath, but apparently thought better of his first response. Gamzee squeezed him again and he leaned gratefully into the touch.

 _Didn’t like what you saw in the mirror,_ Hal chorused, and it sounded mean, but there were softer notes hiding under the sharper tones.

“Sometimes,” Dirk said softly, and the Hal splinters flinched. “But that doesn’t mean always.”

Gamzee kissed Dirk’s temple. “Good,” he murmured. “Get all up in your honesty, that’s good, bro.” Dirk was going to need a nice reward after this, Gamzee decided, and started thinking over some options.

 _You’d be happier without us. Turn the lights off, turn us off, so much easier for everyone._ The tumult of overlapping chords went dissonant, a sharp harsh note striking out. _Except you’d still be *you*, wouldn’t you. Can’t erase that._

“I’m aware,” Dirk said, tone still soft for all the tension in his limbs, for the low unhappiness in his voice. “I’m not--don’t put words in my mouth. I’m not trying to get rid of you. That’s not what I want.”

_Isn’t it?_

Dirk’s cloud of unhappy emotion went tangly-sharp against Gamzee. “I’m allowed to want space in my own damn head. I don’t turn the lights off except when you won’t _leave off_.”

_Where’s our off switch for *you*?_

“Hey, now,” Gamzee said, glaring at the shadows sprawled on the wall. “Say it plain if I’m mistaken or some shit, but all _I_ recall of you, prickles, says if Dirk gets up under your skin, you set yourself to be ten times the hazard to his peace of mind that he can manage to you. Am I motherfucking wrong?”

The branching tails of shadow twisted, a ripple of varied reactions; shame and hurt and a few sharp, angry notes that lashed against Kurloz’s hold. _How could you possibly be wrong? How could it possibly have anything to do with Dirk? He’d be so much *better* without us, *we’re* the problem, poor Dirk to have to live with his *mistake*--_

 _Hush you now,_ Kurloz said, firm and oddly affectionate, pulling a little tighter around Hal’s pieces and doing something that made them ripple and go fuzzy with a chorus of gasps. _My brother said naught of the sort, little static-shards, and you’ve no call to fill his mouth with words either. No mistake, you, no source of all trouble alone and unaided. All he said and all he meant was you’re well able to defend yourself against your bro, and he less so against you._

Dirk shivered in Gamzee’s hold, his own breathing gone a bit unsteady at whatever he felt of Kurloz’s touch on his brother. Gamzee found himself stroking Dirk’s hair, just because he could, because Dirk was so sweet for Gamzee even like this, when he was upset and a little unsettling. And maybe also because Hal was too far away on the wall to reach out to, and when Gamzee touched his brother he shivered just like Dirk did. 

Dirk found his voice before that dazed and aching harmony that was Hal did.

“I know it’s not fair.” He tucked back against Gamzee like he was seeking support, but his eyes were on Hal, his voice low and nearly steady.

Hal shifted, shivered again as Gamzee stroked fingers through Dirk’s hair, encouraging. _I’m not fair_ , he said, and it had a dozen flavors of ambiguous meaning, but the sharpest edges of his anger and hurt had softened away under Kurloz’s touch.

Dirk seemed to be considering, and rejecting, a variety of responses. “A lot of things changed when I bonded you. But me having issues… was already true. That’s not… you.”

_I’m your reflection._

Gamzee rolled his eyes. He knew Hal wasn’t up in his density and stubbornness on purpose, but fuck’s sake. “Yeah, bro, you’re one side of him all flipped over and reversed. Like what a mirror fucking _does_. The two of you get at having your similarities for sure, but stop making as like you’re no different.” 

The ripple of abject bewilderment from every one of Hal’s splinters was sort of funny.

_There’s nothing in me I didn’t find in him first._

Gamzee narrowed his eyes at the shadows, and then Kurloz made a pointed rumble and Gamzee sighed, went and got back into his patience. “Doesn’t mean you’re the fuckin same, bro,” he told Hal. “If Dirk’s all shades of blue with some shiny yellow thrown in there, and you go and take those and mix ‘em to end up motherfucking emerald, how are you gonna be at saying you’re just another Dirk?”

Now he had the full attention of both Dirk and Hal on him, their minds in the resonance buzzing with that same, matching energy of way too many thoughts all getting their happen on twisty and complicated like they did. It was cute how alike they were, how confused both their clever, smart-ass patterns could get just by being told the obvious. 

_You like Dirk,_ the Hal voices said suddenly, and it seemed like another obvious thing, but the way he said it, the guarded, twisty buzz of the resonance, and the way Dirk went very still, said they were being complicated about it.

“No,” Gamzee corrected gently, “I motherfucking _love_ Dirk. _And_ got my liking on for him, too. And I up and like you, too, prickles. You’re a wicked fun brother to have around.”

 _I’m-- I could be--_ The Hal splinters were twisting and curling on themselves, little ripples of the feeling like when the whole of Hal turned himself in to hide his thoughts. 

_*No,*_ Kurloz told him, sudden and stern, and the way his coils flexed around Hal was somewhere between predatory and possessive, spider-tickle hum of energy that filled the room and tugged and nudged and re-tuned the auras of everything it found. _No flight nor concealment now, little starfield. We have you and we’ll keep you, spread plain and helpless before us. Surrender and be known._

 _Why don’t you love *me*?_ Hal said, and it came out like he hadn’t meant it to.

Should’ve seen that coming, and yet somehow it startled Gamzee. He blinked at Hal on the wall and frowned, thinking it over. It was no simple thing to get his grasp on at, either, and the quiet stretched out.

He grimaced, finally, and did his best to put words to the feelings all sneaking around in him. “I do, sometimes,” he said, half into Dirk’s shoulder so’s he didn’t have to look at anyone. Still had to think about the way the careful tension in those shoulders went even tenser, the bright chime of hurt Hal’s splinters tried to stifle. Dirk’s fingers were soft and cautious over his skin, a reassurance. “You’re a world of sweetness to me most times, starfield; hard not to with all that. But then you get to haranguing your bro here, and you say cruel shit at him, crueler than any I’ve heard him say at you, and I don’t… I can’t be to keeping that softness on, cuz I don’t know as you won’t turn and sink thorns in _me_ sometime. So. It comes and goes, my brother.”

Hal was very quiet, even the scatter of notes through the resonance muted, like an instrument picked at tucked away behind doors. 

It ought to have made Gamzee feel better, with no sharp tide of argue-back like he’d half feared, but it didn’t really; the whole situation just left him queasy-nervous and wanting distraction.

Dirk feathered fingers over his skin again. “He wouldn’t, though. He’s--he wouldn’t with you.”

Gamzee huffed exasperation. “Yeah, and I _know_ as he wouldn’t, most like. Don’t _feel_ it, though.” He shrugged and muttered, “Sorry.”

Dirk’s soul was singing guilt and fix it, fix it, fix it, and it made his touch not as nice even though he was still careful concern and kindness. 

Hal’s fragments stirred, his voice subdued and broken into a chorus of conflicting shades of meaning Gamzee couldn’t quite get a handle on. _Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault._

Gamzee opened his mouth, realized he didn’t know what the fuck to say to that, and closed it again. Motherfuck if this wasn’t a mess. Meant to be at fixing things, getting Dirk and his bro settled with each other again, and instead put them both up in their guilt and misery for nothing.

 _Fucked it up again,_ he told Kurloz mournfully, and got back an exasperated rumble and the feel of a swat.

 _Get on your attention at the starfield, little brother,_ Kurloz ordered. _Make no apology when there’s no blame to be had. Most precious idiot mine._

Gamzee lifted his head to glare at the tangled shadows on the wall. Kurloz shouldn’t ought to be saying shit like that when Dirk and Hal could _hear_ him. 

Kurloz twisted a touch through Hal’s splinters, which made him chime a scale of notes, which made _Dirk_ gasp and shiver and duck his head into Gamzee’s hair, and all Gamzee could do was glare more at the darkly smug cloud of his brother. Didn’t matter how nice and reassuring it was to have them both softening down with unexpected pleasure, Kurloz was still laughing at him. 

Dirk suddenly tightened his arms around Gamzee, pulled him close and tucked into him with the type of needy clinginess the brother rarely allowed himself. He didn’t say anything, though he seemed at several points about to, just curled in around Gamzee and pressed something bright and shining and vulnerable at him through the resonance, a whole glowing tangle as pretty and complicated as he was. Gamzee’s chest lit up warm and soft, and he up and did his best to push back at Dirk all that mass of affection and amazement and happiness, everything as was curling up through him.

Hal seemed equally and surprisingly willing to let lie. A few of Hal’s splinters batted at Kurloz, that idle, cat-swipe way he had that always seemed to invite more, and he surely didn’t offer even token struggle when Kurloz threaded his hold more securely, a spider with a favorite meal. Gamzee stroked a hand down Dirk’s back and eyed Hal, feeling softer towards him just now, and it only took a second before he cautiously tried to push affection at Dirk’s shadow, too. The resonance lit, sparks and gleams and bright little notes all across Hal, an almost unnerving intensity to the way every little scrap of attention struck and caught like gunpowder. But there was a carefulness there, too, a sweetness to the opened up shards of him, the way he frayed all soft and wanting into Kurloz’s hold. 

Encouraged, Gamzee let the affection curl warmer, let himself think about Hal all funny and clever and good to Gamzee like he was, and pushed that warmth of pleasure and care and companionship over at him too. And then as it slid back into view in this moment of softness and safety, the love Gamzee had of Hal, separate from Dirk as they were separate. Gamzee let it unfurl and show clear, ringing soft through the resonance.

 _You don’t have to,_ said Hal’s splinters, still soft and trembling. _We wouldn’t ever-- take Dirk away from you, or--_

“How the motherfuck would you even--” Gamzee said over him, and cut himself off. “I know it, brother, got that clarity at me on it. You wouldn’t, and I don’t have to, and I do. You up and comprehending me?”

Hal just glowed at him, a precious and unparseable tangle of emotion to match Dirk, who nuzzled wordlessly into his hair. _Angel,_ Hal said, and it felt nice and sort of hurt.

I’m not, Gamzee wanted to say. _Just because you got your figure on as the pair of you are unloveable doesn’t mean I’m some motherfucking saint to get my love on of you._ He couldn’t find the way to get the words to come out, though. It was some wicked japery, a brother fit to spin lyrics from air any hour of the day, and now he found himself wordless, tongue weighed down and stupid.

“No,” was all he could find to say, and then, “bro… Me loving you ain’t any kind of motherfucking miracle. You’re the miracles, the both of you.”

Dirk laughed softly into his hair. “Agree to disagree,” he murmured, but it was fond, not edged and pointed at himself, and it made Gamzee smile, made him want to press all over them both. No reason not to--he kissed the soft hollow of Dirk’s neck because it was closest.

It somehow wound up with them snuggled down on the bed, Dirk under Gamzee and looking up at him with eyes all exposed and so piercingly affectionate, fingers tracing patterns over Gamzee’s arms and back.

“He’s not wrong, you know,” Dirk murmured, quiet like confession. “People have left because of him. Or I’ve left.”

Gamzee shrugged at him. “You up and handle Kurloz better than any motherfucker I’ve been to meeting yet, no screaming, no getting the fuck out the room the minute I step in it… I know, brother. I know how it is.” He paused, smiling a little. “Maybe we’re both miracles to the other one, huh?”

That corner of a smile touched Dirk’s face, but he still looked serious. “Difference being I don’t think Kurloz has ever _intentionally_ tried to run your partners off. Or-- actually. Does he do that?” 

Gamzee blinked and thought it over. “Most times I don’t think he gives enough of a fuck. Has once or twice, but they were motherfucking assholes, turns out. Most times he doesn’t _have_ to try to run a body off, they go all of their own will.”

“Hal does it… maybe kind of on purpose.” Hal was shifting now, and Dirk’s voice had gone careful. “But it’s… there’s reasons. I know it’s… a lot to ask him to hold back and leave off and watch himself all the time just because we… feel weird. Make people uncomfortable.”

Hal’s splinters rippled and twisted again, little hints of dissonance creeping in even though he was still clearly trying to be careful. Soft. _Dirk’s nicer to me because he feels guilty._ Okay, there was a sharp undertone there, something bitter and lingering that put an uncertain note in Gamzee’s chill even though he knew it wasn’t aimed at him. Hal didn’t quite bite at Dirk, though, so. 

Dirk turned his head, expression all blank and neutral, like that mattered when the soft, hurting bits of his soul were on display for everybody in the room. Some of them even had a voice.

“That’s not--”

 _It is,_ the parts of his soul that were Hal said, and they still sounded angry, but they were being careful. _You’re guilty because you made us, and because you resent us, because people don’t like us and we make the parts of you you don’t want anyone to know about more obvious, and you’re guilty because you know we’ll never get to have any of the things you have the same way._

_And so you let us take swipes at you like it’s penance or that fixes everything, until you finally snap, and when you lock us the fuck out it just shows that you’re the one with all the real power and that makes you feel more guilty._

Kurloz rippled, combing through the strands of Hal with a low rumble, deadly and soothing. Gamzee stroked Dirk’s back and held him a little closer.

“I don’t--” Dirk turned his head just a twitch, voice low. “What do you want me to say. Yes, I know I do that? Sure, that makes it absolutely okay when you go out of your way to make things harder? I don’t _know_ what to do, okay?”

_Well, surprise, I don’t know how to do this either!_

The words were a snap. The silence that lingered after, however, didn’t feel sharp and angry like Gamzee expected when two brothers got their harsh on, prelude to knives out, words cutting at bone. Actually felt kind of… better? Snap and release of tension, unchill energy draining away. Hal settled back. Dirk, who’d been tense lines, softened to melt down into the bed, Gamzee curling down over him like a blanket.

Gamzee nuzzled Dirk’s temple, kissed his cheekbone. “We’re all up in the same mess here, muddling our way along. No motherfucking guidebooks or instruction manuals, ain’t even been to finding a map. Just gotta go like your heart takes you, brothers mine.” He rubbed noses with Dirk. “You think you can try at being a little further in your toleration and kindness, starfield?” he asked, lifting his head to look at the shadows on the wall.

The hum of Hal’s strands rippled and chimed, close against Gamzee’s mind where he could feel him nestled into Kurloz, closer than he let any other shadow, and so similar to Dirk while so completely remade. The strum and buzz of him made Gamzee think of Dirk, raising his shoulders and turning his eyes like he did when caught out, blush climbing towards his eartips.

_...I can do that. I should. I know that._

Kurloz shifted, a slow hunting roll, like he’d seen something interesting, and plucked at a few of the shadow strands he held, making Hal shiver. _But…?_

_It’s fucking frustrating when he won’t *listen.*_

_And…?_ Kurloz probed, spinning slow and lazy, but intent, winding down around Hal like a noose tightening. _What other unease is nestled all down to nibble doubt at you._

Hal twisted, a moment of strung-tight hesitation, before bursting out, _He doesn’t *want* me._

Dirk pushed up on an elbow, but seemed to have no words ready to fling out, staring all mute at his shadow-bro.

“Dirk,” Gamzee said gently, when the silence got its linger on, kicking round the room like an intrusive guest. “Speak at it, brother. It ain’t mine to be fixing this piece.”

Dirk opened his mouth and hesitated again, and it was painful the way that hesitation made Hal flinch, made Dirk flinch right back, made them both go careful-quiet of each other. Still. They were listening and not drawing blood, and seemed to have got down to the heart of the matter, so. So maybe it was painful as ought to be faced.

Dirk rolled to his side, still propped up on one elbow and facing Hal. Seemed for a moment like he might pull away from Gamzee, the way he did sometimes when he got at feeling too emotional and wanting to hide from it. But a moment later he settled back just a breath, let Gamzee press in all supportive at his back, and it was a proper type of magic to feel some of the tension ease off of him, feel his spiraling thoughts slowly center.

“I do want you,” Dirk said, into the quiet of the room, and he said it with a low certainty that drew Hal’s untrusting buzz up short. 

“Sometimes it’s complicated, and sometimes we’re difficult, and sometimes I don’t even like _me_.” Dirk paused, the feel of his thoughts trembling for a moment before they settled back to that low certainty. “But I called you, and you answered, and you’re _mine_.”

Hal’s splinters chimed a sharp, bright note, a synchrony of reaction that fell apart into a chaos of little harmonies. The swarming hum of his shards seemed unlikely to cohere into words any time soon, but with the ring of him through them all, it likely wasn’t necessary.

“Good,” Gamzee said, well pleased, and kissed Dirk. “That’s good, bro, listen to you all in your sincerity and truth. The pair of you are gonna be goodness itself to each other now. This is why you gotta be to trusting me when I get at reining you in.”

“Oh, are we back to you domming me into mental health?” Dirk murmured.

Hal laughed, a startled chorus of giggles that fell apart further as Kurloz twisted idly.

“Motherfucking worked, didn’t it?” Gamzee said smugly.

Dirk huffed and didn’t answer, but his gaze was fond, heavy-lidded and amber as he looked up at Gamzee. So trusting-content to be pressed into the mattress under him, pinned down in that way Gamzee never could quite stand in his place. And there was Hal, unravelled to shining bare bones in Kurloz’s hold, opened to the marrow of him, and all shivery satisfaction at every touch where he was vulnerable, peaceful in the predatory hold.

 _It’s certainly more fun than therapy,_ Hal said, and Dirk’s eyes turned back to his brother. Hal’s outline rippled, reaction struck through the resonance. For a rarity, he didn’t get at pretending it hadn’t happened. _...You mean it?_ he asked, voices gone small, overlapping and harmonizing strangely.

“Yes,” Dirk said, his own voice strangely complicated, but serious.

Hal’s edges fluttered again, soul-splinters singing confused and shy-like. He didn’t say anything more.

“Good,” Gamzee said, kissing the edge of Dirk’s jaw. “Good brave brothers. Figure you got your readiness on for the next bit now, so.” He looks up at the shadows splayed on the wall, nodding. _Put him back together, my brother_.

Kurloz flexed possessively, reluctant to give up his position of abject power over Hal, but then began weaving him back together again with the low, grumbling mutter of a distant thunderstorm. One splinter joined the next and the next in turn, the chaos of disjointed voices slimming down to one growing unity.

Gamzee was caught up watching Dirk’s face, watching his eyes turn hazy and inwards-focused as his lashes flicked, as his hands clenched at Gamzee’s back and his breathing went unsteady. Kurloz just kept melding the split pieces together again until Hal shivered all through, a dark, single shadow again, caught in Kurloz’s vining tangles.

Dirk sighed, eyes closing, little quirk of reaction forming between his brows even as his head tipped back on the mattress.

“There,” Gamzee murmured to the both of them, gaze shifting from Dirk to Hal and back, “how’s that sit with you, my brothers?” Dirk’s chin lifted at that angle put the line of his neck appealingly on display, the softness under his jaw. Gamzee ducked down to nuzzle the skin, brush it with his lips, and Dirk sighed again.

“‘S good.”

Hal was still silent, a hum through the resonance that was its own vulnerable, exposed line, much less settled and certain. Kurloz curled velvet amusement around that uneasiness in his own version of a nuzzle, and Hal and Dirk both shivered.

“You should come here,” Dirk murmured, and Gamzee lifted his head to see he was looking at the shadows on the wall.

“Hell yeah!” Gamzee agreed. “Everybody get in on this cuddly goodness!”

Kurloz loosened his grip on Hal and flowed down off the wall, urging Hal ahead of him before encircling Dirk and Gamzee on the bed and humming satisfaction. 

Hal lingered just at the edge of touching, silhouette posed casually on the mattress while the buzz of his thoughts made a lie of it.

 _...Sorry,_ he said after a moment, clipped and tense.

“I know.” Just the tiniest hint of something sharp under the irony and acceptance in Dirk’s voice there, but he followed it up almost immediately with a softer, awkward, “...Thanks.”

Gamzee beamed, pure satisfaction and relief, and maybe that set itself out there a little too clamoring in the resonance because he felt both their attentions turn toward him. Was a warm thing at least, their thoughts lighting bright and fond and wanting, and it made Dirk’s eyes look at him like honey, and Hal creep in close, wrapping dark and familiar over Dirk before sliding arms more careful onto Gamzee. Gamzee shivered at the redoubling of the resonance, and then Kurloz went and twined dark lines over Dirk and wrapped over and through Hal again, settling in all smug and possessive.

Gamzee chuckled breathlessly, enmeshed in a chiming pile of resonance and shadow and good, kind, candy-sweet brothers. “Motherfucking excellence,” he said. “Well, next time you brothers get your spite and strife on, we’ll all be full in our clarity what the next step’s at being.”

“Hm,” Dirk murmured, shifting in a way that seemed to luxuriate in every place that pressed him up against Gamzee or shifted Kurloz over his skin. “Gonna pin us down and make us get our heads on straight?”

“You know it, bro!” Gamzee said, and shifted to get a mouthful of Dirk’s shoulder between his teeth, pretending to maul it and growling enthusiastically. “Just gonna pounce and show you who’s boss til you get all docile and back in your good behavior again.”

“God, fuckin’ yes please.” Dirk twisted again, not so much play-struggle as an exploration of Gamzee’s hold. When Gamzee experimentally applied more pressure with his teeth he melted back into the sheets.

 _You’re easy to be nice to._ Hal’s fingers stroked the edge of Gamzee’s jaw, a phantom, not-quite-there touch that still seemed to leave sparks behind it.

“Yeah?” Gamzee said, breathless again. “How nice you think you wanna be just now?”

“Really nice,” Dirk said immediately.

 _So nice,_ Hal echoed.

“Wanna be so good for you, sweetheart.”

_Make us be good?_

“Oh,” Gamzee said, with Kurloz an amused and threatening rumble underneath, “I think we can up and manage that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Curlicue: It's my birthday and this is my present to all of you.  
> LaughingStones: I'm on page 11 and I've cut the word "sweet" down to once per page.  
> Curlicue: And that's your present to me.
> 
> *throws candy*


End file.
